The Bachelor often gets a negative rep, but what a lot of people fail to realize is that the emotions are real, and the fact that cameras are along for the ride doesn’t make them any less so. Ben Higgins, arguably one of America’s favorite Bachelors, is a testament to this statement.

For those of you who don’t know, Ben famously found love on the show, getting engaged to Lauren Bushnell. They were together for over a year before calling it quits, and for the first time since the split, Ben has found happiness in a new relationship.

During his guest appearance on the Dating and Relationship Show, Ben talked about what it was like to move on from such a tough breakup in the public eye, and how he makes long distance work with his new girlfriend, Jessica. He had some amazing advice, so today we’re going to summarize some of his best points for any of you who might be in a similar situation.

BREAKING UP AND MOVING ON

Breakups are never easy. The aftermath of a breakup is an especially difficult time – according to Psychology Today, our brain processes relationship breakups in the same regions as physical pain. In a recent study, those who had experienced recent unwanted breakups were shown photos of their exes, and their brain activity showed the release of dopamine, which is also seen in drug addiction. So there are reasons as to why you may be feeling intense cravings for an ex-partner.

When asked to offer advice for those going though breakups, here’s what Ben had to say: “know that your identity will never be in any other person, and that your identity is never in that relationship.” This is a powerful message – you always have yourself, and even though this breakup may be tough, you will be okay. He also asserted that there is “confidence in our failures.” We’ve all failed at something, fallen down or fallen short. We’re all human after all. But with every failure comes a chance to learn, a chance to grow. And that’s a beautiful thing.

Ben Higgins final word of advice? Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to live in your heartbreak for a little while. It builds character and a certain kind of grit that will allow you to overcome difficult situations in the future.

MAKING LONG DISTANCE WORK

Long distance can be tough for a lot of couples, but there are a number of ways to make it work for you and your partner. Ben and his girlfriend Jessica are currently long distance – He lives in Denver and she lives in Nashville. Here’s how they make it work:

1) They never leave a visit without their next trip/visit together planned.
2) Lots of Facetime/video chat – Ben called Facetime the “gift to relationships in 2019.”
3) Trust.

Here are a couple other things that I believe help a long distance relationship flourish.

– Send ground rules to manage your expectations – communication is key for this. Talk about your expectations for the relationship with your partner.
– Also, communicate regularly. Talk about the little things, the big things, what you’re excited about, the best part of your day etc.
– Lastly, avoid dangerous or tempting situations.

A NOTE ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media has its advantages, no doubt. But at the end of the day, participating in social media can often translate to playing the comparison game. Social media can thus create insecurity…if we let it.

Understand that social media is often a curated look into one’s life – it’s the highlights, and rarely do highlights feel as good as they look. It’s not always an accurate depiction of one’s life, and keeping that in perspective will help you in developing a healthy relationship with social media. Remember: It’s what you make it.

To hear the full conversation, and also get the inside scoop on Ben’s new relationship, go listen to Ben’s episode on the The Dating and Relationship Show.